My Trip to Spencer's Gifts

Even though it's about 20 years too late, it's still the best toy ever! I wish it had an expletive-filled sound chip, which said stuff like:

"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker."
"No fucking shit, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?"
"Just like I heard your brother squeal. When I broke his fucking neck."
"Take *this* under advisement, jerkweed. "

Think of all the fun you could have, staging terrorist attacks with Cobra and Skeletor and having John McClane save the day. I'm still kinda bummed there isn't a Hans Gruber action figure.

I bought this at Spencer's Gifts and I have some observations...

1.) It's gotten way dirtier. When I was a kid, I remember they sold fake poop and things like sex pills. Now, they have Jenna Jameson keychains that orgasm when you press a button and I swear to God I saw a novelty dildo.

2.) Do people really love Corona that much that they need to make neon lights, rugs, blankets, Illuminated posters, keychains, and shot glasses emblazoned with its logo for use in the home? Now, maybe I can see why you might like all that stuff but shot glasses, that's pushing it; those should be purely for YAGER! Am I right YAGER? Yeah! Party! (I just passed out)

3.) 4 foot tall Bride of Chucky dolls...Not Chucky Dolls but Bride of Chucky Dolls.

4.) Spencer's Credit Cards. If you have one, Just man up and tell your folks you sell pot for a living.

5.) Farts Sound Machines never get old. Seriously, they still make me laugh, am I in the wrong? I also really liked a device that gives you the finger and says FUCK YOU!