Rejected Men's Health Articles

Paul and Aziz Cause a Stir on Sirius Satellite Radio

From Product Shop NYC:


Blog Radio: Special Guest Cohost Aziz Ansari Interviews Jeff Mangum??

**FACTUAL UPDATE**: I thought that our "exclusive interview" with "Jeff Mangum" would immediately be exposed as a fake, especially considering that the interview was done by comedian Aziz Ansari, and that "Jeff" talked about releasing a soloflex machine, starting a dating show for VH1, killing the singer of Beirut, and the fact that he sounded exactly like Best Week Ever's Paul Scheer. Do I need to be any clearer about this? I know I should have kept this going longer, but this was obviously done without any intentions of upsetting or confusing fans of Neutral Milk Hotel or people involved with the band. Thank you all for the emails, but neither Aziz or myself have any connection to Jeff Mangum, except owning his records. Now here is a nicely edited version of the post. Enjoy.....


Product Shop NYC's latest Sirius Blog Radio broadcast was insane! In the studio were Jason PSNYC, 3xWes, and very special guest Aziz Ansari. As if being joined by one of New York's funniest men wasn't fabulous enough, Aziz somehow wrangled an exclusive FAKE phone interview with Neutral Milk Hotel's Jeff Mangum!!!


In this most surreal interview, Aziz questioned THE FAKE Jeff on, among other things, his feelings on mentoring current "it" band Beirut, his future musical ventures, and his take on the pitchfork induced scandal where someone posted under his name in an the Elephant 6 Forum.


A big thanks to Aziz for joining us in the studio, getting us an exclusive interview with A FAKE Jeff Mangum, and selecting half of this weeks playlist, which included Coltrane, Cass McCombs, Alan Finger, Ariel Pink, The Greenhornes, and others.


You can listen to the entire obviously FAKE BUT STILL HYSTERICAL interview here.

Pre-Order Blackballed on DVD and Get an Autographed Poster!

Blackballed – The Bobby Dukes Story

PRE-ORDER THE DVD NOW!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, noble warriors. Can I have your attention, please? This is not the hour. This is not the minute, but the moment of reckoning is upon us. On July 25th, "Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story" will be available in stores everywhere on DVD!

Watch The Trailer:


The biggest, baddest improvised paintball comedy of the year is here with hilarious deleted scenes, never before seen outtakes and cast & crew commentary tracks. Don't miss the movie New York Magazine called, "Hilarious!" Ain't it Cool News says, "Corddry's rock solid and funny… I have been Dukilated!"

PRE-ORDER Blackballed now at www.blackballedthemovie.com and get a copy of the popular "Blackballed" poster that rocked the film festival world. The first 500 orders receive a limited edition copy, autographed by Bobby Dukes himself, Mr. Rob Corddry.

What are you waiting for? Apocalypse is at hand!

CLICK HERE TO BUY NOW!!!

Caught cheating and banned for ten years, paintball's first superstar Bobby Dukes ("The Daily Show with Jon Stewart's" Rob Corddry) is back to prove himself on the field that made him famous. But Bobby's dreams of recapturing his paintball glory are abruptly impaired when he finds that no one will join his team: to the paintball community he still is and always will be a cheater.

Assembling a team of misfits and paintball outcasts, Bobby is determined to win back his title...and his soul.

Starring

• Rob Corddry ("The Daily Show", Blades of Glory)
• Ed Helms ("The Daily Show")
• Rob Riggle ("Saturday Night Live", "Arrested Development", "The Office", upcoming feature film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby )
• Paul Scheer ("Best Week Ever", upcoming feature film School For Scoundrels)
• Dannah Feinglass ("Mad TV")
• Rob Huebel ("Curb Your Enthusiasm", "Best Week Ever")

DVD Special Features:

• Cast commentary with Rob Corddry, Paul Scheer and Rob Riggle
• Filmmaker commentary with Brant Sersen, Brian Steinberg and Chris Lechler
• Outtakes
• Deleted Scenes
• Bobby Dukes' Video Diary

"Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story is what Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story wanted to be: FUNNY." - DVDVERDICT.COM

Plus The Website Has a Bunch Of Cool Stuff, Games, Clip, AIM Icons

Cool Things My Mom Threw Out

This past weekend, I was contemplating buying a PSP and it got me thinking about all the videogame systems I've owned in the past. I always seemed to buy the ones no one else played I bought like the Lynx, 3Do, Sega CD, Jaguar and the ultimate underdog videogame system, ColecoVision...That's Right, When everyone was playing Krull on Atari I was playing my Coleco Vision with it's Bulky Add-On Steering Wheel and Gas Pedal Contraption that only worked for one game, Pole Position.

I'd love to play it now but I realized it's fate was the same as many of my cool toys, thrown away by my mom. So this now officially starts a new blog column..."Cool Things My Mom Threw Out".

One of Those Cool Things was My Favorite Coleco Game Smurf: Rescue in Gargamel's Castle.

"F! Sam Fischer" Smurf was the First Video Game Covert Operative. Just Read The Instructions:
That's The Whole Game, If My Memory Serves Me Correct, It Took about 3 Minutes of Jumping over Strategically Placed Fences until you reached Gargamel's Castle, Climbed a Wall, Rescued Smurfette and That was It. Then You Repeated the Same Exact Board until You Were Bored and I Loved it. The only things that changed was the level indicator in the upper left hand corner. If you still think it sounds too hard, don't worry, because in case you were wondering Gargamel and Azarel were never home, so you never had any interference.

Also Note How You Control "Smurf", Not Vanity, Pappa, Handy or Brainy, He's Just a Nameless, Non Adjective Described Smurf. But You Didn't Care!


200 Points For Jumping...Holy Shit That's Easy and Great Smurf Cardio too Boot.

I'll Leave You with this...If Smurfs are like Kids Then I'm just realizing now that Gargamel might have been the world's first cartoon pedophile. He was like that Bicycle Repair shop owner on that Very Special Episode of Different Strokes!

BASIC INSTINCT 2: What Went Wrong?

This past weekend I went to see Basic Instinct 2 and apparently I was the only one who did. BI2 was supposed to be a huge box office hit but it took everyone for surprise when it tied for 10th place at the with Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector and that movie doesn't even have any fingerbanging in it. C'mon, what is the world coming to?

People are wondering what went wrong....I'm here to help.

1.) First of all, was the first movie even good enough to warrant a sequel? All I remember is a shot of Sharon Stone's junk and an ice pick. I challenge you to remember more.

2.) Secondly, if you are going to forgo characters and plot and base an entire sequel on a crotch shot, chances are that you're making a porn. More importantly, if you're making a sequel based on a crotch shot, don't wait 14 years. Maybe it's me, but I don't want to see Denise Richards and Neve Campbell reunite in a sequel to Wild Things in 2024. If you're going to make a sequel, make it quick before the crotch ages because at this point, she needs to put that thing away in a pair of granny panties.

3.) Use the word "come" sparingly. Maybe it's sexy the first 15-20 times but after that you are kinda pushing it. I believe I counted it used at least 100 times throughout this 114 minute film. That's like once a minute.

4.) Sequels should be bigger and better than the original but in this movie there was Less Sex, Less Plot, and No Michael Douglas. It was like watching Star Wars: The Phantom Menace all over again.

5.) Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of Choose Your Own Adventures but when you see a mystery movie you kinda want a resolution to the "mystery". Basic Instinct 2 ended like Clue: The Movie. There are literally 3 different solutions to the crime but they don't tell you which one is actually true. Clue even did that.

6.) Plastic surgery makes the body scary! Really scary! Trust me! I just got shivers thinking about the hot tub scene. In this movie, Sharon Stone's breasts seemed more deadly than any ice pick and I mean that literally. They were so pointed they could stab you in the gullet.

7.) Unless it's a cop's name, don't use the title of the movie in the movie. Sharon Stone's character, when referencing the content of her books, says "You know they're about the basic instincts." I really wanted her to say, "You know they're about the Basic Instincts...2...(awkward pause)...Risk Addiction..(party guest clears throat)...Right, anyway I'm going to go now."

8.) And Finally, if this is the first line of your movie:

Guy: I can't move.
Sharon Stone: You don't have to, you are in a car.

Stop writing! Immediately!


There are so many more little details about this trainwreck, that I'd love to mention but if you haven't seen it you'll have no idea what I'm talking about. But here's a brief list of some things that still plague me...

-For a sexy woman, she carries around really bulky, weird, touristy lighters.
-Why does the court-appointed therapist practice in the Baxter building?
-Is Choke-Fucking in?
-Is sex suppposed to be scary?
-Why is it so easy to get off a murder charge in London?
-David Thewlis has the best mustache in the biz.
-Why doesn't the S&M prostitute rat out the shrink immediately?
-How can the first five minutes be so good and the next hundred be so bad?
-I miss the subtle dialogue of Showgirls scribe Joe Esterhaus.

If you saw this movie, I'd love to hear your favorite moments.....

Ashamed

I can't stop thinking about something I did a while ago that I should not have done. I'm afraid that it's about to bring a world of shame on my friends and family and potentially embarrass me for a long time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I should have been more careful. I am such a dumbass. I wish it would go away....but I am worried it won't. I'm talking of course about ...a commercial for The Olive Garden.

Last summer I shot this really crappy commercial. And the thing is...they tricked me. When I auditioned for it...they were like, 'yeah just improvise whatever you want and make it funny'. Cool. I'm down with that. So I did and they laughed. I remember in the audition just being really sarcastic and shitty to the waitress and thinking to myself, 'they'll never let me do this'. Sure enough..I was right. The Olive Garden is no place for sarcasm. When I got to the shoot, they came up and gave me this script that was totally SERIOUS and SINCERE. 'Honey, tonight I want to take you to the Olive Garden.....mmmm this linguini is my favorite....may I have some more delicious breadsticks....wow, what a value!' Crap like that that makes you want to blow your head off.


So now I live in terror. Every time I see an Olive Garden commercial I'm ready to soil my pants. I know they are gonna run this thing and SUPERDOUCHE is gonna be there smiling and taking a huge, smiley bite of pasta and talking about how me and my wife are gonna come back every monday night. And they're gonna cut out the part where I said, 'and when we go home afterwards we're gonna dress up in medieval garb and have furious sex!'


Seriously. Right about now, I wish I could break into people's houses and steal their TV's. Almost as much as when I hosted some shitball show called, 'Celebrity Pool'. Smart move jackass! 'It's just like Celebrity Poker but not as entertaining because it's pool.' 'Sounds great -I'm in!'


From now on, I am going to quit drinking so much liquor during the day. It's obviously forcing me to make lame decisions. And if you happen to be watching TV someday and see me swallowing a huge load of pasta..and grinning ear to ear, just know I'm crying on the inside.


You have my permission to ridicule me mercilessly about this. Be brutal. Really humiliate me. Maybe then, when somebody sneaks up to my place in the middle of the night and spraypaints, 'WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE FAMILY....COCKBITER!' on my home..I will learn my lesson.

My Trip to Spencer's Gifts

Even though it's about 20 years too late, it's still the best toy ever! I wish it had an expletive-filled sound chip, which said stuff like:

"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker."
"No fucking shit, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?"
"Just like I heard your brother squeal. When I broke his fucking neck."
"Take *this* under advisement, jerkweed. "

Think of all the fun you could have, staging terrorist attacks with Cobra and Skeletor and having John McClane save the day. I'm still kinda bummed there isn't a Hans Gruber action figure.

I bought this at Spencer's Gifts and I have some observations...

1.) It's gotten way dirtier. When I was a kid, I remember they sold fake poop and things like sex pills. Now, they have Jenna Jameson keychains that orgasm when you press a button and I swear to God I saw a novelty dildo.

2.) Do people really love Corona that much that they need to make neon lights, rugs, blankets, Illuminated posters, keychains, and shot glasses emblazoned with its logo for use in the home? Now, maybe I can see why you might like all that stuff but shot glasses, that's pushing it; those should be purely for YAGER! Am I right YAGER? Yeah! Party! (I just passed out)

3.) 4 foot tall Bride of Chucky dolls...Not Chucky Dolls but Bride of Chucky Dolls.

4.) Spencer's Credit Cards. If you have one, Just man up and tell your folks you sell pot for a living.

5.) Farts Sound Machines never get old. Seriously, they still make me laugh, am I in the wrong? I also really liked a device that gives you the finger and says FUCK YOU!

Funny Paul Scheer and Nada Surf Interview on The Drop Podcast

Paul Scheer, Comedic Mastermind

You've seen his face on VH1's The Best Week Ever, and in The Upright Citizen's Brigade Improv Theatre. But this week, "the hardest working man in basic cable" joins me on the show for mano e mano time. Paul gives us his take on everything happening in the world of pop culture, the world wide web and the GOOCH.

Ira Elliott of Nada Surf

Nada Surf is now setting a new standard in pop music. Their hooks are incredible and the beats impressive. Nada Surf drummer and famed storyteller, Ira Elliott, talks about life on the road, traveling to Cannes and working with Chris Walla.(Death Cab for Cutie)

Paul's SXSW Videos (Courtesy of The Best Week Ever Blog)

I was At SXSW This Year and I Have the Videos To Prove It...Suck on That America!

The Trapped in the Closet Roundtable Discussion -Returns to LA

What's A Sniggle?

What Does Rosie The Nosy Neighbor Really Know?
Who ate the Cherry Pie?
Who's Bridget's Baby Daddy?

If These Questions about R. Kelly's Hip-Hopera, "Trapped in the Closet" Keep You Up at Night, Then You Must Attend...If You Have No Idea What I'm Talking About then Attendance is Mandatory!

TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET: A ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION

(Chapters 6-12)

ONE NIGHT ONLY!


MARCH 25th at 10PM

The UCB Theater Los Angeles
5919 Franklin Ave
323-908-8702

Buy Tickets Now!
Limited Number of Seats Have Just Gone on Sale

Previous Guests Have Included:
Paul F. Tompkins (Best Week Ever), David Cross (Mr. Show/Arrested Development), Rob Riggle (SNL), Matt Besser (UCB),Matt Walsh (UCB), Nicole Parker (MADTV), Stephanie Weir (MADTV), Rob Huebel (Inconsiderate Cellphone Man), Arden Myren (MADTV), Rachel Harris (Best in Show), Brandon Johnson (PUNK'D), Nick Kroll (Author, Bar Mitzvah Disco), Andy Milonkais (MTV), Andy Blitz (Late Night with Conan O'Brien), Eugene Mirman, and Andy Kindler and More......